Are you an Adult?

 That is a question for the ages! As an older Man I see an alarming trend. I see more and more boys and girls who refuse to grow up; because of this they seem to never develop the ability to connect decisions to consequences or put another way, the action to the result! We now live in a world where "it is someone else's fault" for everything that ails us. What happened to hard work, what happened to personal responsibility, what happened to integrity?

I am not opposed to someone keeping the money they earn as long as they earned it legally. I am not opposed to someone living in a nice house as long as they can pay for it. I am not opposed to someone having a new car as long as they can cover the cost. You see, I grew up in a generation that taught me, a nice house was the result (consequence of) work and savings. I learned that to have a nice car you worked and saved money to pay for it. For my generation there was a direct connection between food and work, there was a direct connection between shelter and work. The cloths on my back, yep, clothes were connected to work.

There was a direct connection between food and work

I understand that when I was a child the house, car, food and clothes did not come as a result of my work, but it certainly did come as a result of someone’s work! As I grew my parents made it clear, they provided room and board; this comes with being a family. However, the older I got there was also an expectation that I would contribute more to that family. As I required more of the family resources my contribution needed to grow as well. My parents had no obligation to provide a car (for me personally), a phone (cell or landline for me personally) and when I went out with friends I covered the expense. I was taught there was a difference between needs (things required to sustain life) and wants (cell phones, new cars, concert tickets, internet, etc., those are bonuses and blessings to life). My parents did not have the money to provide many of the extras I wanted, but that did not mean that I could blame them if I did not do what I could to earn those things (legally)! Too often I hear, “if my Father had been better” or “If I had not been raised by a single parent”, this is then followed by “I wouldn’t have turned out this way” or “I would be better off”. I am now 50 years old, and have been married since I was 18, if I am a mess now at this age; it is because I made bad choices! After 32 years of making my own decisions I have no one to blame.

  Do not expect a free ride 

Now, I am not opposed to helping someone with the necessities of life and helping them achieve self-sufficiency and even growth toward more as long as they do not expect a free ride or expect someone to give them the house, car and money with no strings attached. There should be an expectation of that person working their way out of charity, moving toward paying rent, paying their bills, being self-sufficient. Self-sufficient is what Adults become when they grow out of childhood. I know that as I age there may come a time when I am no longer self-sufficient. My wife and I still have both of our Mothers alive. What a blessing it is to have parents who are healthy, however, my mother and mother in law both know that they have a home with us should they need one. They have both been self-sufficient for a large portion of their life and continue to be, but should that change we will do right. Taking care of family is important and when a member of the family can no longer care for themselves we should not make that someone else’s responsibility. I also know that there are many who will never be self-sufficient. What is being discussed here is not an issue of medical, intellectual, physical or emotional ability certainly those issue play a role in self-sufficiency, however, medical, emotional, physical and emotional hindrances to self-sufficiency are also diagnosable and not just opinions and never an excuse for not being the best one can be.

We have a young man at our church 

We have a young man at our church, I am sure many would say He has a disability. Every time I see him I know a couple of things will happen, He will hug me, He will ask me how I am and we will talk about sports! What I see is a person who, is happy, content and knows what unconditional friendship is about. He would never make an excuse because He sees the possibility not the hindrance. Ever though He has a real, identified condition He also still strives to be the best He can be! What an honor to know such a person, and to have Him call me friend is incredible.

God provided water, manna and quail for the children of Israel as they wondered in the wilderness

God provided water, manna and quail for the children of Israel as they wondered in the wilderness but He never intended for them to make that a lifestyle! I have raised two sons. Each of my sons have turned out to be excellent Men, not because I did such a great job, I struggled more often than I succeeded in parenting. My Sons are successes because they have made good decisions. They are responsible for the quality of life they now lead, it was the decisions they have made and the results of those decisions that are to blame or the credit for the life they now lead! As they grew they took on more of the responsibility for the life they had, they began to buy the extras and now they provide the necessities and the extras, because they are Adults! I am proud of the men they are, the Husbands they are, the adults they have become. They both know that if they make a bad choice, and loose it all, they have a home to come to and we will provide food and shelter (the necessities). However, they also know that would be temporary. There would be an expectation that they would work to recover, moreover, they know that they would be required to show progress to self-sufficiency again. They also know that if you move home, you fall under family rule once again. You see adults who pay rent get to decide what time the door is locked! Adults who pay utilities are allowed to leave lights on. Adults who pay for grocery and cook the meals have the advantage of deciding what dinner looks like! Children who do not pay rent, pay utilities, buy the groceries have a bedtime and must eat broccoli!

Children who do not pay rent, pay utilities, buy the groceries have a bedtime and must eat broccoli! 

So, are you a real man? If so, order Pizza tonight with your own money earned doing your work, call your parents (on the phone you pay for) and tell them you love them and invite them over to dinner in the home you pay for! They will love it!